blue and brown books

It is Wednesday 7.2.08 and it is hot and sunny and humid.

I have found my next blog post. Last night we found a local bar. Rhonda had found it and spoke with the owner earlier in the day mentioning that it was Canada day, so as we walked in after work they had put a ‘Happy Birthday Canada’ sign up for us. We then, over several beers, chatted the night away. This is a public forum, and I think it’s bad enough that I mention people’s names in this very public journal, I won’t go in to detail about who or what or where, but let’s just say that we got on to the discussion of ‘Love’ in the essential and idealistic sense.

Jeannine and I have also talked about this at length and we mostly agree with one another, but for me this notion of ‘Love’ move to ‘Language’, in terms of ‘a thing that is unexplainable that we just feel’. I can’t help but think it’s a crock of shit that people actually believe this. The argument, in general, can be summed up by applying the same method of the God Delusion to the Love Delusion. I’d just not be so dogmatic as Dawkins. We all know my position on language and the privacy of the self, and to say that we cannot explain this concept or thing that we feel to another person is to already suggest something about that concept or feeling, therefore, making it very much explainable in its inexplicableness. This is not philosophical fanciness, this is the way things are. You cannot think things that you cannot explain, because you think in English (or whatever variation of language).

Not only this logical problem of language or feeling or thought, but consider that the people that have ’scorned’ you in the past that you just can’t ‘quit’ with because of certain ‘love’ aspects in your relationship is just utterly asinine. A person is holistic. If their treating of you in certain demeaning or upsetting ways is maintained, your subsequent idealization of that person as a ‘lover’ is not adequate. Of course, the notion of forgiveness is always at play, but on the whole, there ought to be first and foremost honesty and unrelenting open-ness to the way you engage in another person on this level.

I kept asking the question ALL NIGHT: “What are you bringing to this relationship that hasn’t been adequately shown or represented?” and “How is it that these things are excusable?” I don’t mean to get all Carry Bradshaw or whatever-the-fuck, but this is a legitimate concern of mine, and I think I can help it. More to come.

This morning I awoke pretty hung over and made some breakfast. Met Petar at the station and we went to the gym. I almost threw up and shit my pants at the same time working out. Same with Petar. Showered and had Royal Host, Petar came back to my apartment to burn a few CDs for his junior high lessons for the day and I headed to the office to get some paperwork done. Home now, I emailed Scott and Christopher about this weekend and dropped Christopher some audio for high final Finding Japan. It’s definitely a bit gushy, but what isn’t when it comes to me huh? Now I’m writing this and I’m about to go to Petar’s to play some Tekken. Wish me Luck.