blue and brown books

It is Friday 9.26.08 and it is cool, but very comfortable.

So Wednesday went poorly. I spoke to my adviser, made my proposition for another paper next week and she told me that she wished I was telling her I was volunteering to opt out of this project with her. I really understand her position and I think it’s ultimately better, but I can’t help how let down I feel. Philosophy and ideas are really important to me, and I just feel like I’m only really scratching the surface of what it’s all about. By that, I mean the immense kind of concentration and reading that it takes. It’s true that I’m probably not ready for it, in that I have so much trouble writing in a clear way, and that there are certain “hoops” that i have to “jump” through to show my position. The problem with that is I’m trying write a thesis on a person whose outlook is that economic schemes, politics, every day social interactions ought to be more authentic and honest.

I’m not really trying to find blame in other places, but just underscore these obstacles. Ultimately, I know my writing is really to blame, along with my lack of concentration and sticktuitiveness. The problem now is to find out what I want to do with the rest of my year.

Yesterday, work was fine. We ran in to some trouble on the job site with the concrete having to be poured, so we couldn’t put the roof on a garage. We ended up going to work on one of the boss’ homes again and I polyeurothaned (that’s a verb!) a floor and hung some more drywall. I came home and cleaned up a bit. I unpacked a box that I sent from Japan with some clothes and things in it. I fell asleep watching Colbert. I hate it when I fall asleep when watching TV because then I wake up confused with the TV on some strange program in the middle of the night.

This morning I’ve decided to quit all of my classes, I’m just going to do some chores and then go in to school to withdraw. I don’t think it’s worth splitting up my potential work-week for 3 classes. Needless to say, I’m feeling down about everything and a little bit lost in terms of what to do. Tonight I’ll be going for some dinner with my friend Leslie and then maybe stopping my at Kenley’s on the way home. Tomorrow, Jeannine comes in from Kenora and we’re hanging out for the day and then going to a party at Kristin’s.